Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
