dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
