he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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