he shaved USA in his pubs
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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