awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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