We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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