guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
