By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
