I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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