First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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