dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
