: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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