I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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