I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
