he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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