My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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