Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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