Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
