you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
