Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
