holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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