I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
