I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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