the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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