First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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