party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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