he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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