So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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