I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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