I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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