I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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