Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
