How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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