Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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