I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
last night I used snow as a chaser
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
