Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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