Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
