I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize