The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
