I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
