Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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