i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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