i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
