Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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