I wannas sexs uuuuu
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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