The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
