I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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