I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
