I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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