Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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