3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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