I think I just saw someone hide a body.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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