Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
