I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
