1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
