Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize