3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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