I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
