Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
