Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
