It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
