a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
