I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I enjoy the company of your penis
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
