If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
