Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
