We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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