I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
